Part of what I want to do with this space is share and reflect on “rituals”, spiritual routines, that help us live better. By better I mean more relaxed, more at peace, healthier, closer to God, closer to others, SOMETHING that adds to the value or experience of living.
One ritual I’ve practiced regularly is a going-to-bed ritual. In order to remind myself to relax and enjoy myself, it is helpful to have physical cues that remind me to do just that. In my case, I use tea lights and incense.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking:
But I don’t mean that. I mean creating a peaceful and positive association with going to bed.
Personally, I’m a task-directed, goal-oriented sort of person. It can be really difficult for me to wind down and let go of the things I want to accomplish during the day. Kinda like that slogan, “Coffee! You can sleep when you’re dead!” Going-to-sleep can also be stressful if you think of it as a burdensome obligation–or a noisome interruption–between doing things you actually want to do. None of that contributes well to a good night sleep.
So, then, how to construe something that could just be a chore as a delight instead. How do you do it?
Turns out, humans often have pretty simple tastes. For example, most of us find one or more of the following quite relaxing:
- Firelight
- Water
- Music
- A gentle breeze
- Soft fabric
So, when I put these altogether, I got a going-to-bed ritual that I can look forward to. I light tea lights and a stick of my favorite incense, turn on a fan on low if it is warm, and I make sure my linen closet is stocked with sheets that feel and smell nice. I make sure to try to pay attention to my breathing and take slow breaths as I light the candles. I intentionally start to put the day to rest. If I want or need to take the relaxation up to ten, I will play low classical music, or spa music if I am truly desperate. I can also end my evening with a meditation geared toward going to sleep, or Compline (night prayer). The only one of the things on my list that I don’t have as part of my semi-nightly ritual is water, but sometimes I listen to a recording of rain or storm on YouTube to simulate it.
I don’t do all of these things every night, but I find I need at least a few of them each night. I’ve always liked candles, and now that I’ve created an association between candles and bedtime, some of that warm, happy glow gets transmitted to going to bed. I am retraining my brain, through practice, that going to bed can be a valuable practice that I enjoy.
My Eventide ritual is also flexible. I can make it as simple as I want, or I can really lay it on if I’ve had a stressful day, week, month, or last few months. The primary way I “scale” my nighttime ritual is through prayer and meditation. I practice some combination of the following:
- Compline or Evening Prayer
- A body scan (particularly for sleep)
- A gratitude mediation
- Forgiveness meditation
- Joy or positive thought meditation
- Some kind of detachment practice (ex. here)
- Journaling
Any one of those meditations or practices can and will probably be the subject of it’s own episode. The important thing is to find out what you need, if anything, to make nighttime a joy and not a chore. Personally, I need help letting go and processing my experience of the day, and I need to make sure I connect with God.
Stress is pressure on the body and the mind no matter how you look at it, physically, emotionally, intentionally, it takes a toll. We have to find ways of releasing that stress and counteracting it if we want to feel fresh, alert, and relaxed, ready to face whatever’s coming next. That means the net affect of the peaceful and relaxing needs to be greater than that of stress. (Which is why it is so important to be deliberate about self-care when times are more challenging.) For me, being intentional about a nighttime routine helps me reset, recharge, and focus on encouraging the good and letting go of the things I no longer need to hold on to. It’s not easy for me, which is why I need to practice it as a nightly ritual.
What are your nightly rituals? Do you have positive or negative associations with sleep? Is there something particular you struggle with? What can you do to turn toward the good as the bookend of your day? What can you invite God into? Or recognize an invitation that has been extended to you? Let me know!